I feel like I’m standing at this gigantic fork in the road, waiting for answer about which road to take. The road leads to the future; it’s the first big step in creating a new life for three, and letting go of the life for four that will never be again. It’s time to move. It’s time to choose. I can’t stand here any more; it’s too hard and taking a toll on my mind.
On one hand, I’m sure if I take one path, it could, in time, meet up with the other again. However, my heart doesn’t necessarily want to wait. Waiting might not be the best choice.
The problem is, each road has just as many pros and cons. One is safer than the other, and I’ve never been one to travel down the safe road. BUT, I always had a partner to drive blindly, without a map. That partner is gone, never to return again
My heart wants one, but is it REALLY sure it knows what it wants? Is the grass always greener? Will it better, or just different? Will the problems follow, but resurface in a new way?
My head likes the safe one, BUT is there happiness there? Will it be more marking time, waiting for the future to happen? Is that the right choice? Will I find the same opportunities for my kids in the safe route?
In the past, I relied on faith to make the right choice. Sometimes the choices were super hard, and I spent years wondering if it was the right one. Then God made it clear, and of course, yes, we made the right choice. We were never wrong, not once.
What happens if, God makes two roads clear and the choice is MINE? Why can’t He make it clear? Why do I have to choose alone?
Most of all, I fear: is there a wrong road or are they both right, in their own way?
At the end of the day, I KNOW which ever path I take, it will work out, because it ALWAYS does.
I also know that I must pick one, but picking the wrong one is better than standing still. Standing still isn’t a choice any more.