Yesterday, we arrived home after a five-day get away. As the kids were crying and demanding to know when the next time we were going back was, I was slowly becoming unglued. I felt like a bad mom, and they were too spoiled. I was destroying them, experience by experience. In my grief and keeping busy, they are being affected by it too.
“Will they ever be sweet, grateful kids again???” I cried inside my head, until I cried on the outside too.
In our former life, as a family of four, we traveled, went to museums, sporting events, and did as much living as we could afford. We lived it. Once Scott was diagnosed, we were so grateful we spent so much time having fun. TOGETHER. Now that he’s gone, I’m doing the same things again: trying to find a day adventure, an affordable trip, the next thing we haven’t done together. I want to fully live and experience this life.
I tell you this, because this morning, I asked my kids, what they thought of Scott as a dad. They both said, “He was a good dad.”
“Because he was a good dad.”
“What did he do to be a good dad?”
These are their words:
~ He cuddled with me
~He could play baseball with me
~He could practice with me
~He liked to play with me outside and inside
~He was a good running partner
~He liked to play games [and video games] with us
~He liked to take walks with McCartney and me
I looked at this list, and remembered our life. We were on the go, living life, working hard, and making sure the house was always clean, and the chores were done. However, to my kids, they don’t miss the adventures they had with their dad, they miss the simple things he did, just a few times a week.
We all know this, but I post this a reminder to myself. It’s okay to give my kids adventures and experiences. They will eventually come off the mountain. However, it’s the simple things, I do with them that they will remember.