Perspective is an interesting thing to have, now that he is gone. Sometimes, when he was here, I didn’t see, or appreciate all of the nice things he did for me to show me how much he loved me. I guess, I was a NORMAL wife, living each day, just as he was a NORMAL husband.
Lately I have been thinking about the little things he did, which those little things, are ways his absence feels bigger and BIGGER.
He opened my car door. Even this summer, when he walked with a cane, he hobbled over to my side of the door, to open it for me. Eventually, as his pain grew, he listened to me and STOPPED doing it, but he said, “Please let me do it for as long as I can.” I loved him, so I let him.
He listened to me. It is very simple. Now, he didn’t necessarily listen to EVERYTHING I said. He often forgot appointments or important information like the name of my employer, and unless it was on our shared Google calendar, the event or bill just didn’t exist. However, we could be driving down the road and if a song came on enough, and I commented that I liked it, a few days later, we owned it. He bought it for me.
He made me laugh. Whenever life got serious, jokes were our relief. When life handed us unfairness, we joked our way out of it, not caring who was uncomfortable with our humor. He got my attention 13 years ago because of his comedy, and I am grateful for every stupid joke he told. Together, we were funny, at least to each other, and that is all that mattered.
He said, “I love you,” a many different ways, a million times a day. I still have voice mail messages, where he ends with a sincere, “I love you.” His voice still makes my heart flutter.
He stood up for me. Well, that is not completely true, he didn’t make waves, ever. But any time one of our kids showed me disrespect, he would teach them just how to speak to his wife. I really miss that, especially as I try to raise a decent, respectful boy.
Once, he bought me roses, when they were on sale. Some would call that cheap, but that was a sign he understood me. I hated wasting money and expensive flowers never lasted long enough. However, whenever there was a sale and we had the money, he bought them for me. I appreciated the token, each and every time.
My phone still reminds me that he loves me, even after he is gone. There are no words how wonderful that is to me.
Without him, I feel less whole. He was my other half. I miss EVERYTHING about him. It is that simple.