Somedays I am very sad. My heart is broken by this constant fear. However, I try to push it away and look for blessings. (Trust me, we are truly blessed, but that is another post in itself.) Somedays are easier than others, to see blessings over the sadness.
Other days, I have come to realize, I am very angry about this Cancer. It sucks; it’s not fair and I hate it. However, our fight is not lost. It is not our kid. It’s hard to be angry when it could be worse.
Most days, I miss our old life and how simple it
I miss our problems – like wondering if we can buy a pass to the city pool or if we should pay as we go.
I miss worrying about how much the kids fight, or how strange it is that they get a long so well.
I miss being frustrated with Scott’s stupid jokes, when I am not in the joking mood. I miss his jokes. Period.
I miss bills and how we used to
argue about discuss them.
I miss having to sit in the van, with two crazy kids as we wait and wait and wait and wait for Scott to get off work.
I miss Scott’s terrible work schedule. I also miss how much he loves his job.
I miss having to cram all of the fun into Sunday because it was our only day off together.
I miss our life. I pray each and every day, that we get it back. That our “problems” go back to being our problems.
The day we become the mailman and teacher trying to raise our boy and girl in a Cancer free household will be the best day of my life. I pray I never take that for granted again. EVER AGAIN.