Would you believe me, if I told you that I am 100% convinced that God is using a Katy Perry song to send me a message? Now, those of you who don’t know me, probably think I am nuts. You, out there who kind of know me, might think I have hurt my head, or have lost it. Those of you who love me, are rolling your eyes (I know you are), but you know there is some truth to what I am saying and are interested in my story.
It started in many places. I will start with a simple phone conversation with my dad a couple of months ago.
Me: I am lost in this house in Nebraska. I feel wasted. Leftover. Worthless. Useless.
(I was feeling sad for not getting even an interview for a teaching job. Honestly, I knew I didn’t actually want a full-time job yet, I knew it was the wrong choice, but it hurt. I was a wonderful teacher. I had glowing recommendations and experience and not one district even wanted to talk to me. It was a BIG blow to the ego.)
Dad: It’s Okay. I know how you feel. I felt that way, on the farm. I knew I was smart. I knew I had ideas. I knew I could do something, but I didn’t know what because I didn’t finish college. Look at what I have done in past 30 years. You don’t know what’s out there.
His words haunted and comforted me for days. (My dad has accomplished so much. So much more than anyone would ever think a farm boy from South Dakota ever could. He is amazing man, and he inspires me everyday. I am very proud of him.)
That’s when I noticed this song was following me.
“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?”
“Do you ever feel, feel so paper-thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?”
“Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams, but nobody seems to hear a thing?”
“Did you know there’s still a chance for you
Cause there’s a spark in you?”
Gosh, I certainly hope so! I am not that old! But the age-old question has been, since I was 24, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” Shouldn’t I have figured it out by now? Shouldn’t God have given me better signs by now? Why am I the only person who can’t seem to find that eternal practical attainable dream job, or shut up? Am I destined to feel like I have to struggle through work only to enjoy getting home? But, [insert whiny voice here] Scott got to find a job he loved that was practical, attainable, and I have made allowances so he could enjoy it. What about me? Anyway, sorry about that rant, but welcome to my crazy, or my inner dialogue.
The chorus of the song, could be another daily affirmation, something to say to myself to keep me going when the days are dark and hard.
The other verse that really got my attention on this day:
“Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road”
Okay, I can live with this, but what will be the perfect road? I would love to know.
A few months ago, after that conversation, after I really heard this song, I mean, really heard it for the first time, it started showing up everywhere: spin classes, other workout classes, while I was cleaning (not by this artist by another), on tv shows, on the radio, everywhere. One could argue, it is a popular song, yes, but it is also at least a year old, maybe more.
I continued on with life. I have fallen in love with writing and I continue to love photography. I love travel, adventure, and am reconnecting with my old self. Scott and I are becoming a couple again, and not just parents. I signed up for subbing, despite my fears about that. I am trying to build a photography business, despite my fears about that.
Summer continues, life goes on, life is being lived, happiness is being created, felt and lived.
“Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it’s time you know”
Yep, I think I found it! I am not sure, I have had a million ideas about my perfect job the past two-years especially, but on our vacation, when I was away from life, I had an idea, my ultimate dream job that tied all my passions together. It is attainable, it is something to work for. It would free me up to do our family mission work that Scott and I are dreaming about in the next 10 years. It could provide a 401k, if done the right way. It could use photography, writing, and everything. It will take work and more school, and it would be a mark left on this world, not through my kids, but my mark. There are many steps, and goals, but I am excited and I think I finally know what I want to be when I grow up! The scary thing is, whenever I am thinking of this job, or one of the steps, or writing a piece of one my books, this song still plays. It’s like the affirmation that I am on the right road of thinking. I know this is it. It ties everything together, finally, feels right and feels like me.
God uses many forms to get to us. I never in a million years would have thought he would use Katy Perry to reach me, but I believe with my whole heart he did. If you doubt me, my faith, then you really don’t know me, do you?
Have you ever gotten a futuristic sign from music, or unconventional way? I would love to hear your story, please leave a comment below.
Lyrics from Fireworks sung by Katy Perry http://www.directlyrics.com/katy-perry-firework-lyrics.html