For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about Scott’s and my road trip from this past summer. Maybe it’s because I am glad we took our long overdue honeymoon, despite the fact it was not as tropical as we hoped. Maybe I can’t get it out of my head because I know it’s going to be a LONG time before we take a trip again. Maybe it’s because I was reminded what it was like to be young, careless, and hopeful. Or maybe, it was just an amazing, life changing week, with so many positive lessons about love, life, and marriage.
The week was wonderful and we loved every minute of it. Well, maybe I didn’t love hitting that deer at midnight one night. Oh, and I definitely did not love Vegas. But every other minute, that I remember, was fantastic. However, the day that sticks out most in my head is one I have wanted to write about, but for some reason I haven’t. Except, now I know why I haven’t written about it – I wasn’t supposed to forget the lessons, the feeling from that day. I didn’t know it at the time, or months to follow, that I had to carry it around in my heart, my head, always composing, but never writing. It’s time to write….
The day we left Vegas, my heart hurt. My heart hurt for my kids, whom I missed so much. My kids, who did not miss me because our family was spoiling them rotten. My heart hurt most of all for the greed, destruction, and sadness I witnessed in Vegas. I honestly don’t know if I will ever return.
However, as we drove out of Nevada, and eventually into Arizona, then southern Utah, my heart stopped hurting. As we drove along roads that twisted and tangled, and curved, I couldn’t put down my camera. As we stopped at rest stops here and there, and took breaks in the hundred degree weather, I couldn’t take my eyes off the vastness, the beauty, the, the, the …. GLORIOUS landscape.
Southern Utah, was breathtaking, gorgeous, and makes me wonder how AMAZING the Grand Canyon must be, because I cannot imagine anything more beautiful or grander than that corner of the world. The roads twisted, and turned. We drove up and down, inside and outside along canyons, rocks, and formations. I kept gasping and begging Scott to pull over because this moment HAD to be captured. I wish I could have captured the beauty, the grandness, the enormousness of this place.
I felt God. I felt His glory, His amazingness. This place was not created by humans. It was created by the Creator. The One that brings us true love, helps us overcome the stress of high functioning autism, saves us from dump trucks, guides our van safely over the icy roads, and provides many more blessings. Driving through Southern Utah, after being in the Hell that was Vegas, reminded me that people might destroy, God builds and provides. He creates the most magnificent canyons, rock formations, and mountains. He made the oceans and seas, and more amazing sights I have yet to see.
I am reminded of this powerful day, this religious experience now, as our family struggles. We struggle not with each other, but this ugly illness. However, God brings us out of Vegas and into southern Utah on a daily basis.
He knows when to unexpectedly bring us dinner. He knows when I forget to buy toilet paper. He knows when we are wondering, “Will we ever be OK again?” During these times of stress and sadness, He brings us people. People who feed, care, and provide for our needs. He brings us people who understand why my “Thank You” notes remain unwritten, despite how touched I am by their endless generosity. He brings us family who sacrifice to help and provide. He even brings us toilet paper, sitting on our door step the day I put out the last roll and forget to buy it at the store, AGAIN.
Yes, there are times when families live in the sadness, like how I remember Vegas. However, God brings us the emotions and religious experience of Southern Utah day in and day out. For that, I rejoice and give Him thanks EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.