Yes, I knew my husband had Cancer. About a month ago, I
knew accepted it was terminal. However, I thought we had more time.
Two weeks ago, as I raced off to work, while Scott and the kids stayed home, I let the laundry pile up, chores go undone, and tasks be put off because they were going to Kansas City for a ball game and I was staying home for class. Like a superwoman, I was going to get everything done in 36 hours.
Except, it didn’t get done because he never went to Kansas City. Hours after being checked into the hospital, he was breathing with a chest tube, never to breathe on his own again. Two days later, I said our final “Good bye” and watched him leave this Earth for a better place without pain.
I. WAS. NOT. READY. It wasn’t time, except it WAS time. Now time has stopped, except it hasn’t.
A week later, I ache, hear the silence, and miss him. I miss him more than I will ever be able to put on paper, or the internet.
I miss his smile.
I miss his jokes.
I miss his hugs.
I miss his love for me, my kids, and life.
I miss his spirit and generosity.
I miss our one fight, you know, all couples have their fight.
I miss us.
I miss knowing how to feel and what to say.
I miss being able to answer “How are you?”
I miss smiling and happiness.
I miss our life, the good, bad and not so great.
I don’t think I will ever stop missing him, my love, my soul mate.
Thank you so much for your condolences, love, support, generosity and prayers. This has been one of the hardest weeks for our family, but despite the loss, we feel blessings from above. Thank you for being a blessing.