I am a work in progress. That is my philosophy as a mom, student, teacher, photographer, writer, and person. Even when I think I am on the right track to being better at something, I get set back, which shows me that I will always be working, developing and growing.
October came and I had energy to spend. I was superwoman and I did it all. Insanity workouts, photo sessions, processing my photos, blogging, graduate school, working full-time, and being a dedicated wife and mom. I kept the housework up, and man, I could do it all. I survived on 5 hours or sleep or less and nothing could push me down.
Then, November hit, and bam! The superhero fell from the sky and landed face down in a pile of deadlines, emails, orders, give-aways, holidays, face rashes, and illnesses in the family. I was overwhelmed and wanted to quit everything in order to curl up into a hole. I didn’t.
I couldn’t concentrate, focus, and finally quit my workouts in order to sleep. I would get up and do one here and there, but it was nothing like before. Scott was too sick to workout with me, I just couldn’t face Shaun T. alone. I made a million
reasons excuses to justify it, but in the end I didn’t believe them.
For one of the two weeks of not working out, I even went back to some old, BAD, BAD habits. I ordered French Fries, and ate them ALL. I allowed the family to eat out more, and I cleaned my plate on pizza night. I had more than one soda each week, and let myself have all of the coffee and Starbuck’s lattes my heart desired. Veggies were forgotten, and replaced with crackers. (I did NOT eat gluten, though I was TEMPTED.)
Last week, I awoke from this CRAPFEST, and said, “What in the heck are you doing??? Do you want to put weight back on? What about your promise to yourself and God about lifelong habits?”
The other part of me, got angry and said, “Well, I am not eating gluten. I haven’t gained a pound, and I weigh less than I originally set out to weigh, so leave me alone. I am just fine. Every member of my family is sick, I am tired, and sad. I am doing my best and it needs to be good enough.” (See I can be quite the brat, when I want.)
My good angel got really mad, “You haven’t lost a pound either in over a month. How do you feel inside your head right now? Why do you think you are so stressed and overwhelmed???? Don’t forget that working out is your happy place, it is your patience, and overall feeling of well-being. It is essential that you don’t give up.”
So, I know I sound crazy, but I am sure ALL of us have inner battles. Yes, I am a bit crazy, but I have decided that EVERYONE is. Anyway, I had those talks with myself almost everyday last week. I threw the bad habits back in their drawer, and started eating better again. Whole foods really do make one feel lighter and more energetic.
This week, I am back at working out. I am over the fact that Scott and I are supposed to being doing Insanity together, and I am enjoying doing it on my own. It’s NOT easy getting out of bed, but I always tell myself “You are tired everyday whether you exercise or not. This extra hour will not give you more energy. You WILL feel awesome when it is done.” When all else fails, I assure myself that after 10 minutes of doing my BEST, I CAN shut it off.
That is how I have been getting through my workouts this week, in small 10 minute chunks. I press “play” and workout so hard for 10 minutes, but the first 10 minutes is warm up and stretching, so I talk myself into another intense 10 minutes. Once those 10 minutes are up, I have enough energy to do JUST 10 more minutes….I make EXCUSES to keep going until I am done.
I really didn’t mean to ramble on like this, but I need to be honest with myself. I am not superwoman, and there are times I will fall. I am in a WORK IN PROGRESS, which means I will be working on life forever.
How do you do it all? Please, share your secrets with me!