I’ve said this a million times, but I’m going to say it again, I hate being busy. I hate the rush to here, there and everywhere. I hate the scrutiny of schedules, fitting things in, and running around town like a madwoman. Most nights, I feel breathless, and unless it involves a high impact workout, that’s not a good thing. I don’t do busy well. I never have, and while I’m sure I could learn to love it, I don’t want to love busyness. I really don’t.
I have two kids who aren’t afraid to try new things. I’m grateful and blessed, but that also makes our lives too full. I say more than I say yes, but I need to say no even more. The schedule starts with one thing. Then another activity. Then another forty-five minutes. Then travel time to another town…. No worries, it’s only for three weeks, or two weeks, or seven weeks…. BAM! Busyness creeps into our lives and in time, I grow weary. It hurts my soul.
I’m not going to lie. Last week was tough in an overcrowded way. Figuring out our lives was too much, too hard, and I missed my partner. I needed to change, to shift, to pause.
Saturday afternoon I ignored the never-ending-it’s-only-getting-longer-to-do-list. In the heat, we explored, we walked, we bickered, we had a staring contest with deer, and we lived in the moment. Despite the imperfections, my soul was happier and more fulfilled. In the middle of busy, my life needed pause. So I did.
During the week, I don’t always have the privilege to just stop, to explore, to find a new path. What can we do? How can I survive another crazy week? I prayed. He answered me. Monday started with more tears of “How did I let this busy happen to us?” I drove into my garage and evacuated the car. Instead of turning toward the house, I simply walked outside.
I looked up at the bright blue sky contrasting with the pure white clouds. I felt the wind blow my already messy hair. I closed my eyes so I could listen, pause, and breathe. The Earth spun and I felt it move. I opened my eyes and saw life again. It was only a minute, but I could finally breathe. I smiled. My heart was more content.
I took one minute of my life to stop, pause, breathe, and feel. Just one. In that minute, I woke up to the world and entered life again with a smile on my face. This is what it takes for me to truly live. Small moments of feeling the earth move, brings fuel and fire to my soul.