I woke up on the first day of school determined to push the past out of my head. I was determined to be everything my kids needed: a normal mom who was going to help them get ready for a new year of learning adventures. Last year’s events were NOT going to cloud my brain. I was NOT going to grieve today.
My alarm sounded, as usual at 4:30am. I pushed Snooze one too many times, and found myself getting out of bed later than intended. “No big deal, I can make this time up.”
I took the dog out for our walk and she pulled, put on her breaks and refused to walk. Needless to say, I could not force her to do her business. Coming back inside, I prepared for my morning workout, which had already been reduced from 45 minutes to 30 minutes. Running into my bedroom to grab my favorite water bottle, I caught the dog pooping in the hallway.
“Ugh! You were just outside! No! No! No!” I scolded as I cleaned up the mess.
Taking the mess outside, I opened the pitch black garage door, only to discover that a kid left the trunk door open all night, and as the garage door opened, it got caught on the door, causing the red safety string to deactivate the door. I fiddled with the door and couldn’t seem to fix it. I turned on the car and was so grateful that battery did not wear out since the door stayed open ALL NIGHT.
This morning was NOT going well and I hadn’t even had my coffee yet! However, I kept my mind focused on the kids and was still determined to be everything they needed today.
I crammed in a 20 minute workout, showered, and hoped the day was now turning around.
I woke up my two tired kids. One was so excited for school, and the other a grumbly growly mess. We were all able to get ourselves ready with a few yawns, no tears, and effortlessly were ready to head out of the door by 7:30. And we even took about 3 minutes to snap some “first day of school pictures.” It felt like a miracle for sure.
We raced out of the door to the garage. Quickly shutting the door from the house to the garage, my skirt got caught in the doorway. I was grateful to notice before it ripped and fixed the problem. My mind raced through many thoughts, too many thoughts actually. After I shut the door for a final time, my legs missed three out of the four steps and plummeted to the garage floor, bags flying, like in the movies.
My knees ached, my eyes were blurry. “Mom, Mom! Are you OK?” I heard and felt my kids around me.
I kept my eyes closed, wishing that today was a different day. Wishing that I could do it over again, but let it be three or five years earlier. My body ached from hitting the floor.
Before I opened my eyes, to let my kids know I was OK, inside I knew that whatever the rest of the day brought, this year’s first day of school would be better than last.